if it helps at all to hear from someone who isn't you, you AREN'T overstepping by having feelings and being selfish ISN'T a bad thing! it's normal and imo cool as hell that you want to have relationships with them, and it makes so so so so much sense for you to feel sad and angry that you've lost the possibility of that with your biodad.

i don't know what the right thing to do re: alyssa would be but fwiw i think it's an ok thing to ask, and whatever you decide i love you and support that decision one million percent.