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ok i know i just told yall that i know the solution to my problem is to spend time with people, so maybe its silly to say it again, but, im going to :)
i spent all week waffling back and forth thinking i should text frankie and tell her to not let me out of hanging out with her this weekend, you know, try and get ahead of my impulse to cancel last minute bc i feel shit in the moment. but, i didn't. i kept thinking, you know, what if SHE needs to bail, what if i'm imposing by asking her to hold me to my word? why can't i just hold myself accountable?
anyway, that asshole part of my brain won out and i didnt say anything with intentions to just suck it up and do the things i said i was going to do (i DO want to be clear that twas i who actually was like 'hey should we get together and bake cookies?' so idk i think i felt even more responsible for doing the thing that i suggested?)
ANYWAY she texted me yesterday morning while i was still miserably cocooned in bed like 'hey i know we said we were going to get together today, but im in mental shambles could we maybe do a virtual hang?' which was really good in a myriad of ways, like not just that i didn't have to mold myself into a human shape fit for company, but also i stIll GOT TO SEE HER, like wow you dont have to go scorched earth when something feels too hard? you can adapt? and still get the benefit of doing the thing you know makes you feel good without having to spend energy that you want to direct to interacting with your friends, on getting ready to interact with your friends?? imagine!!! like, it was easier to wake up this morning bc i was still feeling positive from having spent 4 hours chatting and venting and goofing off and watching frankie serenade me with all of her fav songs from s club 7's sophomore album 7
but uh, jw, how many times must i prove this to myself to believe and trust in the things i already know??
i spent all week waffling back and forth thinking i should text frankie and tell her to not let me out of hanging out with her this weekend, you know, try and get ahead of my impulse to cancel last minute bc i feel shit in the moment. but, i didn't. i kept thinking, you know, what if SHE needs to bail, what if i'm imposing by asking her to hold me to my word? why can't i just hold myself accountable?
anyway, that asshole part of my brain won out and i didnt say anything with intentions to just suck it up and do the things i said i was going to do (i DO want to be clear that twas i who actually was like 'hey should we get together and bake cookies?' so idk i think i felt even more responsible for doing the thing that i suggested?)
ANYWAY she texted me yesterday morning while i was still miserably cocooned in bed like 'hey i know we said we were going to get together today, but im in mental shambles could we maybe do a virtual hang?' which was really good in a myriad of ways, like not just that i didn't have to mold myself into a human shape fit for company, but also i stIll GOT TO SEE HER, like wow you dont have to go scorched earth when something feels too hard? you can adapt? and still get the benefit of doing the thing you know makes you feel good without having to spend energy that you want to direct to interacting with your friends, on getting ready to interact with your friends?? imagine!!! like, it was easier to wake up this morning bc i was still feeling positive from having spent 4 hours chatting and venting and goofing off and watching frankie serenade me with all of her fav songs from s club 7's sophomore album 7
but uh, jw, how many times must i prove this to myself to believe and trust in the things i already know??
